Tonight, as I sit alone on the couch bed (Jay's parents are here and we wanted them to have our room) waiting for my husband to come home from Ultimate Frisbee with friends, I have been on a journey with a woman named Angie Smith. I got an email from my friend Jennifer about this blog and a certain post that reminded her of me. So, I went directly to their site and have been blown away.
Many of you know the group Selah...well this is the wife of one of the singers in that group. She found out that her baby would not live when she was at her 20 week ultrasound. Their little girl lived only 2 1/2 hours after she was born. Their journey is filled with real emotions, real joy, real tears, real questions, real anger, real humanity...and a VERY real faith in God. (www.audreycaroline.blogspot.com)
Tonight as I am celebrating the birth of my incredible healthy 9 year old gift of grace...I am filled with the haunting question...why not me? As I read this family's journey and pain, and as we all grieve with Stephen Curtis Chapman's family...as I am still praying for Jaden's family in their loss a few months ago...I am always aware how this life is but a vapor.
Angie said something in one of her blogs that hit me deeply. She talked about how she bonded more with this little girl (in her tummy) than her other girls...because she knew this was all she would have. I don't know what tomorrow holds for you or for me. I don't know the days I will have with the two little girls sleeping in the next room. I am praying tonight that every moment will be seen as the gift it is meant to be. That I will savor the grace of the moment and invest in moments.
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